Let Go and Control Your Own Narrative

Let Go and Control Your Own Narrative

One of the hardest things to do in life is to let go of the past, especially the people. There could have been a massive falling out or just simply growing apart, but it is hard to let go of old friends, romantic partners, girlfriends, boyfriends and even family members.

“All of my let’s just be friends are friends that I don’t have anymore” - Drake

We all know people (either ourselves or others) that seem to be stuck on one person. No matter what you say, there is no convincing them that they should move on. The person could be a cheater, thief, liar, assaulting and people will still try to find a rational explanation as to why they should stay. All of their friends and family may not like that person and yet they still want to be with that person. We let people take advantage of us because we only focus on the positive qualities. They might have some really positive qualities, but that does not mean that you should overlook the negative qualities.  We all been here before and sometimes we have been the person overlooking someone’s bad qualities or the person whose bad qualities are being overlooked. There is a strong possibility that you have been both in the same relationship.

A big part of it has to do with how we want others to view ourselves. We want everyone to think that our life is as close to perfect as possible and that includes our relationships (just not romantic relationships) with other people. We get caught up in comparing ourselves against other people so much that we believe if we had a new “Woman Crush Wednesday” or “Man Crush Monday” that people will think less of us. We try to mask our internal loneliness so much that even if we do move on from a bad relationship, we hop in another toxic relationship with someone else or we hop from one group of friends to the next. We do not take the time to figure out what went wrong, and how to avoid it the next time. It just becomes new people, same problems. We fail to see that we need to fix some things in our own life, so our next relationship does not end up like the last.

At some point, we start to hold on to all of the hurt. I am here to tell you, let that shit go. Not letting go weighs down our own lives. We will not be able to move on. We will be stuck in the same place while everyone around and even the person who we are trying to hold on to, moves on.  As the great Erykah Badu put it: “Bag lady you gon' miss your bus, you can't hurry up, 'cause you got too much stuff.” We often become bag ladies (or men) trying to hold on to everything that happened in a relationship. We bottle that hurt in so much that it stops us from being ourselves. We instead, become these bitter, hurt, angry, people. And often, the truth is the person who made us feel this way is off living a happy life, rarely thinking of you if, at all. The other piece of this is that we do not take into account our own actions that led to us being in this position. That bitterness, hurt, and anger you are feeling might be coming from your own guilty conscious, but you have to let that shit go. You will never be where you want to be in life if you keep holding on to so much baggage from the past.

People are holding on to so much baggage because they cannot get the closure that they need. They feel the wound is still open or do not like the way it healed. In high school, I broke my middle finger during a football game my junior year. I went to the doctors and they put a cast on my hand. Weeks later when they removed the cast, they let me know that while it healed and is no longer broken that it did not heal correctly. To fix it, I would have to get surgery and my finger would have to be broken again. The alternative was to have a slightly larger knuckle and start physical therapy right away to regain some of the motion in my finger. I chose to go with the second option. There was no need for me to delay the healing process because I did not like the way it healed.  

“Bag lady you gon' miss your bus, you can't hurry up, 'cause you got too much stuff.” -Erykah Badu
When we try to seek closure in relationships after they are over with, we break ourselves and open old wounds. You might reconcile with that person for a few days or weeks but most of the time, the wounds become worse instead of getting better. You have to learn how to move on by yourself. That apology you want or that chance to explain yourself might not happen. Learn to be ok with that. Waiting for someone to say sorry for being such a terrible person to you is preventing you from going out and finding someone who will treat you how you wanted to be treated. Constantly drunk texting or making status about your ex-lover is not going to get them back. All it will do, is cause you to lose out opportunities to find other people that will love you.

Truth is, I am tired of seeing people hurt. I try not to tell people such things as “look at the bright side” or “look at what you have going for yourself” because that negates their struggle. I do believe this though: you control your own narrative. Take the time to build yourself up in a positive way. Mediate, go to church, workout, read, write. Stop attaching your worth to other people. You will always be undervalued that way. Learn to see yourself how you want others to see you.

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